After a long illness, my brother passed away last Thursday. Amongst some of his items, I found some poetry he had written which I post below. My brother, like myself, had a difficult time integrating into society as his poem, Alienation, suggests.
I recently reflected on a health issue that has plagued me my entire adult life -problems with my feet. As a teenager, I played many sports and even averaged 42 miles a week running without problems. When I got older, however, I started to have all kinds of problems with my feet. Ingrown toe nails that eventually required surgery, heel problems where I had cortisone shots to get rid of the pain and inflammation, acupuncture treatments to get rid of my heel pain. I finally solved the heel problems, a year ago, by adopting a lower elevation shoe (courtesy of a link sent to me by Brent) . But then last year, I developed a painful neuroma. Needless to say all of these painful foot maladies have combined with my penchant for food and I now weigh 290 lbs. To get through a week of teaching last year I was taking powerful anti-inflammatories on off days that dulled my senses. One late night last fall, I found a podiatrist for the American Northwest that did this series of videos which purported that the cause of most feet maladies was an improper (overly narrow) toe box.
The solution itself was a problem. I have size 15 triple E feet and most of the sellers of the proper toe box footwear don't make a shoe for the size of my foot. I managed to find one and for the most part my foot problems have disappeared.
One day in reflecting on my experience, a 20+ year struggle with my feet, I realized that my feet weren't he problem. I wasn't the problem. I had tried everything to fix them and the real issue was the shoes that world provided me didn't fit my feet.
I feel like this would be my message to my brother, John you may not have fit in this world very comfortably but there was nothing wrong with you.
Alienation
How long must I go on,
Until I feel that I will belong,
Somewhere on this earth?
When will I know,
Where to stay or where to go?
And show what I’m worth.
I just want to know that I belong
Like the ugly duck that becomes a swan
Like the frog that became a prince
I want to find my happiness.
If I Knew Then What I Know Now
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn’t make the same mistakes,
I’d say “I love you” more than ever,
I’d cherish the time we spent together,
Even through the nasty weather,
If I knew then what I know now,
If I knew then what I know now,
I’d be much more forgiving,
Sins that happened in the past,
Would be forgiven very fast,
Bitter feelings would never last,
If I knew then what I know now,
If I knew then what I know now,
I’d recognize your efforts,
All the tears and all the pain,
You suffered not in vain,
As you stumbled in the rain,
If I knew then what I know now,
I’d be there for you always,
Through the good times and the bad,
When you’re happy and you’re sad,
I’d have given all I had, just to be with you.
If I knew then what I know now.
I recently reflected on a health issue that has plagued me my entire adult life -problems with my feet. As a teenager, I played many sports and even averaged 42 miles a week running without problems. When I got older, however, I started to have all kinds of problems with my feet. Ingrown toe nails that eventually required surgery, heel problems where I had cortisone shots to get rid of the pain and inflammation, acupuncture treatments to get rid of my heel pain. I finally solved the heel problems, a year ago, by adopting a lower elevation shoe (courtesy of a link sent to me by Brent) . But then last year, I developed a painful neuroma. Needless to say all of these painful foot maladies have combined with my penchant for food and I now weigh 290 lbs. To get through a week of teaching last year I was taking powerful anti-inflammatories on off days that dulled my senses. One late night last fall, I found a podiatrist for the American Northwest that did this series of videos which purported that the cause of most feet maladies was an improper (overly narrow) toe box.
The solution itself was a problem. I have size 15 triple E feet and most of the sellers of the proper toe box footwear don't make a shoe for the size of my foot. I managed to find one and for the most part my foot problems have disappeared.
One day in reflecting on my experience, a 20+ year struggle with my feet, I realized that my feet weren't he problem. I wasn't the problem. I had tried everything to fix them and the real issue was the shoes that world provided me didn't fit my feet.
I feel like this would be my message to my brother, John you may not have fit in this world very comfortably but there was nothing wrong with you.
Alienation
How long must I go on,
Until I feel that I will belong,
Somewhere on this earth?
When will I know,
Where to stay or where to go?
And show what I’m worth.
I just want to know that I belong
Like the ugly duck that becomes a swan
Like the frog that became a prince
I want to find my happiness.
If I Knew Then What I Know Now
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn’t make the same mistakes,
I’d say “I love you” more than ever,
I’d cherish the time we spent together,
Even through the nasty weather,
If I knew then what I know now,
If I knew then what I know now,
I’d be much more forgiving,
Sins that happened in the past,
Would be forgiven very fast,
Bitter feelings would never last,
If I knew then what I know now,
If I knew then what I know now,
I’d recognize your efforts,
All the tears and all the pain,
You suffered not in vain,
As you stumbled in the rain,
If I knew then what I know now,
I’d be there for you always,
Through the good times and the bad,
When you’re happy and you’re sad,
I’d have given all I had, just to be with you.
If I knew then what I know now.
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